The cry of an invisible Wall

Musa Mollick

Musa Mollick :: Neither love nor liking is eternal. In the hostile current of time, lots of feelings and desires become speechless in the twists and turns of life. Sometimes, loved ones are lost from life. Someone hides themselves against an invisible wall. My ‘cry of the invisible wall’ with such an unknown invisible wall
Silent-sweet morning of any one Boishakh. This morning’s journey is different from other mornings. Sajal (pseudonym) was appeared at the exams at a high school in the village. Under the open one-storied house on the side of a road. One day, Teacher Kazi Motaher Hosen  is standing infront of Sajal but he(Sajal) continues his writing . A group of girls from another school in the area  are going by the side of the shed. Suddenly the sound of salutation, this salutation is the teacher in charge of the examination.
Sajal, sitting next to him, looked at him for a moment, perhaps at the call of his subconscious mind. A few moments passed in silent silence. The girl’s name is Shuvra (pseudonym). Sajal has seen the girl before, but this look is a little different, this voice is like the tune of a flute. What is transmitted in the mind is love, it is a thousand combinations of stillness. Silent sounds good. In this way, day by day, love grows under the open sky. From then on.
Sajal waits for Shuvra day after day. Day goes by, night comes. Even if it comes in a dream, it does not come true. This is how 6 to 7 months pass. But Shuvra doesn’t look back Doesn’t he feel? Maybe, maybe not. The neglect of the classical courtyard of the heart, wails. Silent arrogance from the dull world is a long current of suffering. From standing in the distance to seeing Shuvra at a glance, everything is now under the control of this Bokasoka boy. But he never had the courage to stand in front. Be that as it may, he forgets a little to get close to the man he loves if he goes away. That is fear.
Maybe life is a growing change of time, and this wonderful combination of feelings creates. Sometimes it seems that Humayun Ahmed’s famous saying – love is very important, because the lack of everything can be tolerated, but the lack of love can not be tolerated. Since then, Sajal’s silent fascination with getting love. Secret suffering is born in the mind. Sometimes he gets depressed when he doesn’t see her. Loved ones are much like a contagious disease, their happiness is joy. Grief leads to pain.
The time was then February 8, 2015, before which a century of innumerable separations and neglects had passed. But this day is not like that dark time at all. This is a different morning, a different feeling. Sajal and Shuvra are the first to talk on this day. This long-awaited morning after Sajal’s long wait, struggle and help at the door of thousands of people. Sajal cried silently in the joy of getting love, not separation. Even if you can’t love, you have to be able to accept it, so far Shuvra has understood this.
How can you stay awake in silence?
How silent it is to walk,
How many secluded steps? Sajal’s arrogant mind became confused after clearing the accounts of various questions. The answers to some questions never match. Not even if you want to. Everything became dumb and stagnant. Behind the scenes from the opposite side of the wall is the inspiration and one day fades with time. Gradually everything changes. But the feeling? He repeatedly turned to you. Stand in front and move away again. The same illusion or fascination? Hard to understand!
None of us is exclusively for anyone but part of the special. But they both wanted a whole man, with only one in his veins. This is how the day goes on, love continues to grow. From returning home in a sweaty body to dedicating love to their beloved, all the dreams of pride are in the eyes of both of them today. But they could not dream for a long time. Love in the face of a lot of existential crisis in the two families. But both are struggling. They have never seen each other very close, they have never talked, they have sat side by side, but the invisible Maya bond is the main tool of their crisis. Suddenly one day Shuvra stopped talking in a text message. Maybe Shuvra has a problem. One of the two minds wants – take me with you when you’re lost.
I think I know why, under this huge sky, imperfect, unsatisfied love sometimes suffers from a secret disease. In the course of time, the two of them set off again, dreaming of building a small house. But do all dreams come true in this horizon? Who knows- who keeps looking?
Sajal moved to Dhaka, the pressure of the surroundings and the unbearable burning surrounded by the haze of mechanical life changed him, wounded his own helplessness and the black darkness of continuous slavery. In the wrath of this mechanical life of the city, he became speechless to his own feelings. Putting posters in the streets, putting up banners, how much work! No one knew, didn’t even let me know In the meantime, a lot of distance is created with Shuvra, although Sajal is now a mechanical man. What did Sajal not do from 8 am to 9 pm, from 8 pm to the next morning?
But Shuvra thinks every night that she may be losing to Sajal. Tears may well up in my eyes every night. ‘Thousands of hearts cry every night in the fire of separation, but where does Sajal never come back, then what is the exception in me? Even if love does not return with it, Sajal will have to return? ‘ The question remains, Sajal also continues to burn, but in the face of Shuvra’s father’s abundant luxury and the terrible clutches of the black world, he is left in the lurch. His dream is to turn around But who knows how many eyes shed silent tears in anger of family responsibilities?
Rudra Muhammad Shahidullah wrote nicely, ‘The way people open oysters and look for free, when you open me, you get sick. Sajal’s presence in Shuvra’s life was like a river of fire without a shore. How many times can one break a heart in unbearable pain, who will keep those anonymous statistics?
There are many unfinished stories in life, the rest of which pays off. This goes on day after day. It is difficult to understand that the secret distance between the minds did not increase even though they could not forget each other in this long absence.
Today, at the end of the high school exams, Shuvra is also in this suffocating city surrounded by brick walls. Shuvrao has changed the new life of the university, innumerable friends, crowds of people of different colors. So far, Shuvra has become a big stranger to a known address. Surrounded by light and darkness, this city has the impossible power to change people.
Maybe Shuvra has changed today, he has learned to live. The need for life for life comes to an end. Emotions come under control The stiff wall of negligence rusts over all feelings. When dreams are not fulfilled, they are transformed into a different dream, with a different person. You become a stranger. Sajal has never been born crying so much like his chest. How to be born? He loved Shuvra with everything
This long tireless leisure of two people. They both know how helpless they are without each other. But not something unusual. Sajal has been released from so much slavery today. Leaving dependency, today he is a skilled urban tuition master. Today, he is working tirelessly to create a minimum of laughter for himself and his family. But Shuvra’s absence makes Sajal think today – today the brain contradicts his previous decision. I want to go back to Shuvra, I want to know – does he still come to me with indifferent hair? Still dreaming of constantly knocking on the door?
Sajal became speechless in the crowd of innumerable words that he could not say. Wanting to know if he still wants me in tears every night? Or today he is living in someone else’s dream. The taste of that dream is dying in the blind chamber of the heart.
Today, it is easy to find Shuvra, who has changed into a layer of hardship and negligence, like crazy. The pressed pain accumulated on the bricks lined up. A new green parasite is born in this mountainous misery surrounded by neglect. However, a new parasite in Shuvra’s life? He wants to go back and find out, but he doesn’t have the courage. What a benefit to increase grief!
Sajal called that old number, that number has changed today, the man has also changed. Collects new address numbers. But the bored lonely sound coming from the other side of the phone caused a wound in Sajal’s chest. Maybe it’s the wound of the sad laughter of the white Shuvra hiding herself in artificial joy.
Today it is raining heavily in the sky of my mind. Lightning is constantly flashing at the door of the mind. Staying helpless and looking at Shuvra’s drink, but his constant blockade-accusations against me.
Maybe the emotion gets under control for a while. When dreams are not fulfilled, they turn into a different dream, with a different person. The hand of reliance that two people have found to walk together in the crowd of sodium light on an urban street is in someone else’s hands today. This different hand is the wall, a big solid wall. Roy is trapped in the cell of this solid wall, hundreds of silent promises of love, who keeps looking. The story of this darling of the darling wants to blow away with the constant rush of nicotine.
Sometimes Sajal comes to this village leaving the suffocating life of the city I think how familiar this path is, the turn of this road but how unfamiliar everything is today. When I see your diary and various memories in the secret trunk of my house in the middle of the night, I feel very helpless. We were separated for about 3 years, but after so many years, I realized that night you are still deep in my heart.
Sajal is still lonely. The city did not give anything less. But in return he took away more. Today, the smell of suffering does not become clear in the ink of the pen. But Shuvra wants so much, so much longing, where is that? Or the lure of money? No, that’s not going to happen. But? Maybe he fell in love with the wall. Sajal has become the former in the bond of love today. Or this wall is a cheap medicine to forget Sajal. Maybe that’s why Shuvra doesn’t want to come Sajal’s call was in vain. Artificial tears. Perhaps the successful rotation of this invisible wall is to prove the illusion of all worldly illusions. There are many kinds of unattainable things left in life – some of them surrender silently to the world. Some people want to beat the rhythm on their knees, blow the trumpets with two fingers and blow away the unattainable things of life.
There are some burn wounds hidden in the privacy of everyone’s chest, some incomplete constructions, everyone has some sleepless nights of their own, which has to be left like a broken nail forever in the garden of tender reluctance, which is happiness only to hide, to be kept secret in one’s own secrets. Like Rudra’s words, maybe Shuvra’s coincidence is hiding behind the invisible wall. I stared at the open sky in the crowd of such difficult equations. There is no sound of your bare feet, no smell of drunken hair. Just  like dark wondering  clouds  floating endlessly without knowing address.     
I intentionally turn gray with that cloud. Today, after so long, I think, life makes me think. You suddenly blur in the midst of an invisible artificial smile. In a different world. With a different person. What a pure smile!
Author: Student, Department of English, Dhaka International University.
General Secretary – DIU press club.
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